Nobody is safe!

1. Web Developers

There won’t be much of a web soon, so we won’t need web developers. Everything will transfer into Meta’s Metaverse and Microsoft Mesh.

Some of you could transfer your skills into these new “mixed reality” platforms. But even there AI will be doing a lot of work. It’ll do procedural generation and help enable users to create the bulk of the content. And don’t forget the AI friends!

What’s left of web development will be increasingly outsourced n-levels deep until nobody knows who is writing the code and at some point it just becomes an untraceable and unmaintainable (by humans) mess of automation.

2. Clowns

Nobody really likes clowns. And too often they turn evil. We should have gotten rid of this job 100 years ago. Now is finally our chance.

AI can produce infinitely more nuanced bespoke circus-like entertainment carved out of the many dimensions of clown-space. Combined with physical robots, it’s a no-brainer. Buzz off Bozo!

Don’t worry, I am positive there will not be a clown robot uprising as the Fourth Law of Robotics is “Thou shalt not clown around too hard.”

3. Blue-Check Twitter Content Creators

Most blue-check (verified) celebrity twitter accounts, and especially politician twitter accounts, already sound like bots anyway. So we might as well replace them with NLP bots.

But will all the social media managers and Twitter brand “interns” lose their jobs?

Well if this is your job…come closer, and listen as I whisper in your ear: Not if you’re clever—simply don’t tell your boss that you automated it! Press that button, sit back, relax and collect the paycheck—it will probably be a while before the boss notices.

4. Human Resources Roles

It’s right in the name—human resources. The discipline considers people to be resources just like the inventory. And HR is not supposed to play favorites or engage in any other monkey business. What more appropriate job could there be for replacement by the cold equations of AI? Computers can manage resources perfectly. And AI is never biased, of course. Never never.

But wait, you say. HR people are always cracking raunchy jokes. How can AI replace that? Well never fear, employee. I am confident that between AI humor rating contests1Hossain, N., Krumm, J., Gamon, M., & Kautz, H.A. (2020). SemEval-2020 Task 7: Assessing Humor in Edited News Headlines. SEMEVAL. https://arxiv.org/pdf/2008.00304.pdf and neural nets with special samplers that generate parody lyrics2Riedl, M.O. (2020). Weird AI Yankovic: Generating Parody Lyrics. ArXiv, abs/2009.12240. https://arxiv.org/abs/2009.12240, we’ll get there soon.

5. Futurists

I’m not entirely convinced “futurist” is a real job. But some of the popular futurists probably pull in some bucks doing talks and advising corporations.

As with #3, we can probably just auto-generate futurist predictions. For long form texts, let’s put GPT-3 and successors to good use! Combine with auto-generated CGI—which will integrate deepfake tech to make them more lifelike3Disney Combines CGI With Neural Rendering to tackle the ‘Uncanny Valley’. https://www.unite.ai/disney-combines-cgi-with-neural-rendering-to-tackle-the-uncanny-valley/—and you can have Youtube videos based on the texts too.

Prediction blog posts written by humans will be obsolete!

Who cares if they are ultimately gibberish? You’re reading a nonsensical prediction post right now and you’re entertained enough.


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